Feeling

Uneasy. Those days when you don’t trust the quiet. Like walking through the forest but noticing the absence of bird song. Something I must have missed. Something is coming to bite me when I least expect it. Maybe a lack of preparation. Leading to trouble. 

Work goes as usual. I don’t mind. Uni is on my mind. But not right now. I want to eat pizza. Yet got no money in the budget. Bought groceries to cook ahead. Yet don’t want to move. Have to be up at 5am. And my off day is tomorrow after. 

I want to eat chicken and calamaris and gyros and pizza and salad and drink soda pop. I do nothing but eat lately. Work out too. But it is more dealing with aggression. I get so aggressive that I pump out chin ups I wouldn’t do on my own accord. But it helps disperse my negative feelings. For now. 

I miss some other life. A life that is spent smelling the sea breeze. Watching the sun and the sky after a day’s work, doing something. Over beer and potato chips. Grilled fish and friendly familiar faces. I am tired. Yet I am not unhappy. I feel curious. About how this cycle is going to go.

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