Honestly

I’m fighting temptation. Found this site among the ones I frequent for looking up whores and stuff. Got a lot of young girls, age 19 and up, who sell their bodies on the net. Most of the numbers are unavailable because this site isn’t maintained. But there are some recent ones. Eyeing a 20 year old girl in a neighbour city. Yeah. Just need to stop myself in the tracks of sending a message or calling the number up. Maybe it’s a fake? I don’t think so. But I ain’t got money, I’m saving up 316€ until September for uni! Who cares, I can take out an allowance from my savings account. It’s only 65€ for 30 min. Asian hookers charge 80. I want to finger me a girl, like last time. Feel the wetness on my fingers. I’m quite good at that. Unfortunately I came after two measured thrusts, standing from behind. I got close to make her come after licking and playing with her Japanese body. But all of a sudden she just begged me to fuck her, which I tried to avoid because I know about my predicament. But, by her very japanese way of begging, she shut down any further attempt to let her climax by my hands. So with a heavy heart I took her from behind and as expected shot my load inside of her after putting it in and saying a firm: “Hello, how are you?”. What a waste. I just can’t help it. Had to fight my urge to vomit too, because before that I tried licking her like in porn movies: From behind with my face all up in her ass. What can I say, my tounge got too close to her anus. Big mistake. Movies are NOT real life, check. But it was nice to hear that I make her horny, I felt validated. Would be better if I could fuck the shit out of her too, but what the heck. Also remember that Chinese chick that just squeezed my dick in her vagina like a fist. Really impressive stuff. But anyway. Writing about it helps me come to grips with my imagination, expectation and day dream fantasies. After all the goal is to stay celibate for spiritual and financial gain. I kid you not. Btw I got a blowjob from a German hooker once, last month. Kinda different. She smelled really bad, just for a second while she blew me. But, what can I say, my balls were empty for a week or so because I shot my load and then some. Think she was a bit impressed about the amount in that condom. Saying I can tell her to slow down next time, so I can get to have intercourse too. They all look so much younger and revitalised after shooting my load, then when they greet me at the door. Maybe a hormonal thing. I could tell she liked me after shooting a bottle full of sperm for her. Before that, kinda reserved. Guess it’s like an affirmation or validation too. Like that overflowing condom is saying: “Yup, you’re hot and I like you… this much.” But I think I’ll stop now. This is just to rid myself from another such episode. I hope it works. I need to hold on to my money. Fingers crossed.

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